Love Has Boundaries
Love Has Boundaries
Question:
I heard you say that “Love has boundaries.” This seems to contradict what I hear from my friends and what I see on a regular basis. I have been taught that “love knows no boundaries,” “pure love has no conditions,” and that “love knows no limits.” Can you help me understand what you mean when you say love has boundaries, because I disagree with you.
Response:
First, let us define what love is. The confusion surrounding the definition of love is where I see most of the disconnect resonate from. Our culture wants to believe that love is affirming whatever a person wants, or whatever makes them feel good. If I do not affirm a person’s desires, I am considered unloving. But this is a lie. Love is willing what is best for the other person. Sometimes that means willing against the desire of the other individual. This is common sense when you clearly define what love is. For instance, my three-year-old son may want to eat the family-size bag of M&M’s, but I love him, and know the outcome of his desire is a sick stomach. Because I love my son, I will what is best for him and go against what he desires. I hear one pastor say that his natural desire was to be unfaithful to his wife, but because he loved her (willed what is best for her) he never strayed from his marriage vows. I have always thought his actions were a beautiful image of what it means to go against what is natural because of love.
Phrases like “love has no boundaries” can be true in the sense that the love of God is available to all, and there are no boundaries that can be erected that God’s love cannot overcome. In this sense, love has no boundaries. But this is not the common cultural use of the phrase, “love has no boundaries.” Satan has distorted the loving image of God’s infinite love. Just like he did in the Garden of Eden, he has twisted the words of God to mean, “Do whatever you want. I’ll support you because I love you.” Supporting improper behavior is not loving. If my daughter wanted to be a prostitute, I would not support her decision. Her body is a sacred temple to God and sex is meant to be enjoyed between a married man and woman. Therefore, I would not support my daughter if this were her decision. I would not stop loving her, but love does not support self-harm.
Self-harm is not just a behavior; it is also a reasoning or thinking problem. It is improper to worship any God besides the one true God of scripture who commanded us to love him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 12:30). This means that I must recognize when my thought process is not honoring God, and deny my natural desires and submit them to the will of God. Jesus modeled this for us on the Mount of Olives when he was praying before his death, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done,” (Luke 22:42). We see a moment when the second person of the Trinity displays his full humanity, not wanting to endure the suffering of the cross and the burden of bearing the sins of the world. Jesus prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done.” Was God being unloving toward the Son when the unspoken response is that the atonement upon the cross must happen? Was Jesus a fool for denying his own natural desires? By no means! In fact, this is the model of discipleship and love that Jesus gave us when he invited us to follow him.
“Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” (Mark 8:34).
Because I love God, I deny my sinful desires and nail them figuratively on the cross. Then in response to God’s love, I follow the Holy Spirit toward Jesus.
It is upon the cross that we see the love of God breaking the barrier of sin, and it is true, love knows no end. God is love and God is infinite; therefore, love knows no end. But again, love is willing what is best for the other person and therefore always has boundaries. From the very beginning of time, when God first created, he established boundaries between the light and the dark, the sea and the land, between each species and plant because God created things with order and with boundaries. God created with boundaries because God is loving. Do not be fooled by social media slogans that sound good but are not true. Be a wise disciple of Jesus Christ and be discerning. As the Apostle Paul wrote to the church of Corinth,
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ,” (2Corinthians 10:5).
Question:
I heard you say that “Love has boundaries.” This seems to contradict what I hear from my friends and what I see on a regular basis. I have been taught that “love knows no boundaries,” “pure love has no conditions,” and that “love knows no limits.” Can you help me understand what you mean when you say love has boundaries, because I disagree with you.
Response:
First, let us define what love is. The confusion surrounding the definition of love is where I see most of the disconnect resonate from. Our culture wants to believe that love is affirming whatever a person wants, or whatever makes them feel good. If I do not affirm a person’s desires, I am considered unloving. But this is a lie. Love is willing what is best for the other person. Sometimes that means willing against the desire of the other individual. This is common sense when you clearly define what love is. For instance, my three-year-old son may want to eat the family-size bag of M&M’s, but I love him, and know the outcome of his desire is a sick stomach. Because I love my son, I will what is best for him and go against what he desires. I hear one pastor say that his natural desire was to be unfaithful to his wife, but because he loved her (willed what is best for her) he never strayed from his marriage vows. I have always thought his actions were a beautiful image of what it means to go against what is natural because of love.
Phrases like “love has no boundaries” can be true in the sense that the love of God is available to all, and there are no boundaries that can be erected that God’s love cannot overcome. In this sense, love has no boundaries. But this is not the common cultural use of the phrase, “love has no boundaries.” Satan has distorted the loving image of God’s infinite love. Just like he did in the Garden of Eden, he has twisted the words of God to mean, “Do whatever you want. I’ll support you because I love you.” Supporting improper behavior is not loving. If my daughter wanted to be a prostitute, I would not support her decision. Her body is a sacred temple to God and sex is meant to be enjoyed between a married man and woman. Therefore, I would not support my daughter if this were her decision. I would not stop loving her, but love does not support self-harm.
Self-harm is not just a behavior; it is also a reasoning or thinking problem. It is improper to worship any God besides the one true God of scripture who commanded us to love him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 12:30). This means that I must recognize when my thought process is not honoring God, and deny my natural desires and submit them to the will of God. Jesus modeled this for us on the Mount of Olives when he was praying before his death, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done,” (Luke 22:42). We see a moment when the second person of the Trinity displays his full humanity, not wanting to endure the suffering of the cross and the burden of bearing the sins of the world. Jesus prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done.” Was God being unloving toward the Son when the unspoken response is that the atonement upon the cross must happen? Was Jesus a fool for denying his own natural desires? By no means! In fact, this is the model of discipleship and love that Jesus gave us when he invited us to follow him.
“Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” (Mark 8:34).
Because I love God, I deny my sinful desires and nail them figuratively on the cross. Then in response to God’s love, I follow the Holy Spirit toward Jesus.
It is upon the cross that we see the love of God breaking the barrier of sin, and it is true, love knows no end. God is love and God is infinite; therefore, love knows no end. But again, love is willing what is best for the other person and therefore always has boundaries. From the very beginning of time, when God first created, he established boundaries between the light and the dark, the sea and the land, between each species and plant because God created things with order and with boundaries. God created with boundaries because God is loving. Do not be fooled by social media slogans that sound good but are not true. Be a wise disciple of Jesus Christ and be discerning. As the Apostle Paul wrote to the church of Corinth,
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ,” (2Corinthians 10:5).
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